February 20th, 2010

from the beginning

i started this journal some years ago when i was wondering if i should be depressed or whether depression would get in the way of life as i was trying to rebuild it at the time and had made a substantial dent in the devastation that had been life in the years before this journal began and i believe i decided, as i always had in the past, that we all need some sadness in our lives if only to appreciate the happiness more and ultimately, i want to be happy and not waste too much time on the sorrows or dreams of large chocolate miracle pills or naked nubile princesses (though not necessarily large breasted, or large at all, please) unconditionally in love with me, for that matter...

so i re-learned how to throw myself a helluva pity-party (cuz that was always my way out of the dumps cuz it has the word party in it, so it must become fun eventually, right?) and i indulged my love of creative emotional catharsis (and sad songs) and the roller coaster of emotions that is life and i remembered that i still preferred to live, so i concluded way back then and reiterate now, i suppose, that love and music and sharing unconditional trust with a partner or partners (intimate best friend(s), soulmate(s), brothers and sisters, halleylulus, or yahs, for that matter, that is) is what makes me most alive and here i sit so all alone (which is a very very very old rhyme from the very first tome i wrote, for those in the know) i yet i am still breathing and enjoying the heck out of life all by myself, so i must still be only mostly dead...

yay for the miracle of free association too :)